shit.

I dont know if anyone ever played the RTS game "Axis & Allies" by Atari, but it was a pretty solid strategy game.  I recall building up a huge army of tanks and infantry, and invading an enemy controlled area with the confidence of a god.  Then suddenly the screen flashes and I see my army melt away in ball of fire and ash.  The enemy just dropped a nuke on me.

I recall my gut sinking and just an overwhelming feeling of defeat overcoming me.  I went from possible victory to definite loss.

I had a nuke dropped on me today.  And as much as I HATE for my blog to be all sad and shit, these are just the events of my life. 

For one, I found out that I may owe the government $930 since they fucked up with my college payments or something... I honestly am not even motivated to call them and find out what went wrong, or if it was just a mistake.

I did manage to pull the trigger on a project that I have been brewing for a while, and I started on the website.  I think the idea is solid, and this is step 1 to me being a multi millionaire with my idea.  And I sincerely believe that.
So upon finishing up the payment info to purchase the webspace, my card gets declined.  I check my bank online to find that I pretty much dont have any money.  WHY?  I havent bought shit in a long time.  I quit eating out, and I bought canned goods to hold me over and I STILL dont have fucking money.  The short answer is that I don't make enough..  I am a manager at a hotel, and I'm pretty sure I make the same amount of money as the other front desk agents.  In fact, I'm almost certain that some of my employees make more than I do.

I dont know if I have any grounds to ask for a raise since my performance hasn't had a huge positive impact.

I have to find another source of income or I'm just going to be fucked.

10pm CST we go live

Just a quick plug, for anyone with nothing better to do tonight, come check out our show LIVE @ www.stickam.com/youruncleslap

We will have the cam up a few minutes prior, but the show starts at 10pm central time.  Tell your friends!  We will also be announcing a contest tonight where you guys can participate to win some t-shirts or something.  We havent decided on the exact prize yet, but we WILL be giving away something for serious.

I have also updated my tape deck player on the right side of my blog page to redirect to our new player and our current RSS stream.  Give it a click if you happen to miss our show.

How do I fill this gap?

So my difficulties with marketing the podcast have taken yet another turn.  When we re-launched the podcast, we did so with a business mindset and with the intention of it making money.  That was my approach anyway.  So how does someone do this?  Do most people even know what podcasts are?  What makes someone want to listen to podcasts?

These are all questions that I have been using to find ways to share our show.  I am a pretty judgmental person, and I usually can tell when my own work is crap.  Our podcast is great, genuinely.  I like listening to it because I laugh, and it has been the trend that anyone who actually listens to it feels the same way- with our newer material anyway.

So if our show is great, then we should be making some headway, right?  We have been podcasting for over a year, and we have barely budged with our listeners.  We are on all of the social networking sites and we advertise everywhere we can.  We network with bands and other podcasts.  Something is still missing, because my blog gets more daily views than our website.

There are a thousand new podcasts each day, and the success ratio is like 2%.  There has got to be something better..

All of the popular podcasts have hosts who were already popular prior to their podcast show.  People get popular off youtube by being retarded and becoming a meme.  We are putting in hard work and we have a good show and we hardly get any recognition.

There is something missing that I need to find.

Saturn Ascends

Its been a few days since Ive blogged last.  Ive been real busy not sleeping.

Podcast happened last Thursday and it felt pretty good.  Just for those who asked, you can watch us EVERY Thursday live on stickam @ 10pm CST, or you can hear our recorded shows by going to youruncleslap.com, and clicking on the tape player, or adding our RSS feed to your itunes or whatever you use.

I think I will also set it up so that our recorded stickam show constantly loops.  In fact, I JUST set that up.  So if you want a early preview of ep 44 and you missed it, check it at at www.stickam.com/youruncleslap

My birthday is coming.. and I can feel some changes.  Just emotional changes, mental changes.  Nothing that I can describe since I cant actually put my finger on what exactly is changing.  I am becoming slightly more interested in different things.  Maybe just more "aware" of my surroundings.. I dunno.  I also feel like I am looking for acceptance from people, as if I want them to say "you've done good for yourself, keep it up"

Maybe I just need assurance that everything ive done so far hasnt been in vein.

Nothing to write home about today

I spent my first day off cleaning my garage a bit, PART of my room, and I have started detailing my car.

I had given it a quick was the other day at a carwash, so it was still in decent enough condition to begin detailing.  I started with the front of the car and will finish the doors and rear and hardtop tomorrow.  Rubbing compound, claybar, polish, and wax.  It's much easier to work when I do it panel by panel, rather than doing the entire car each step.  It seems easier on my back too. 

I saw a Berlina Black S2000 CR tonight at the parking lot of Fry's and it looked CLEEEAAANN!  It was also 100% stock.  It makes me wonder if I have been fighting an uphill battle with all the modifications done to my car.  I'm just not sure.. I took a break today and went to grab lunch.  Upon walking out of the store I saw my car in the parking lot and just thought "god damn.. it's almost exactly the way I want it"   but the shitty part about having a "nice" car is the fact that every dent, noise, or problem I have is magnified by 100.  My hardtop really sets my car off, but it is in need of much love before its something I can brag about.  I think since I have installed it, it has brought down the clean look of my car, simply because the hardtop needs some paint/body work. 

money is fucking tight right now though, and i have to dedicate my funds elsewhere for the time being.

These are all old pictures from when I first got my new wheels.  Maybe after I finish detailing tomorrow I'll take it out for a photoshoot.

Not much to look at once you scrape em off your boot

Tonight was a much needed night.  The GF came over and we watched Starship Troopers.  She had never seen it before, and I was way past due for a viewing.  I had forgot how awesome the movie was, and she enjoyed it.  She has very good taste in movies.. probably better taste than I do.

Today sucked at work.  It was full of errors from my desk staff that I had to attempt to fix.  No excuse really.. It's my fault, and as a manager I should be making sure that stuff like this doesnt happen.  I need to tighten down and "check my staff."

I also managed to drop my Nexus One and shatter the screen.  My stomach dropped as I knew I just fucked up a $600 phone.. but I was relieved to see that replacement screens only cost 60 bucks or so.  Maybe a new screen will improve the touch sensitivity a little over my current screen.  Just some screencaps from movies tonight.  Thanks to everyone following and commenting!  Again, click on the links to my podcast on the right of my page and check it out.  Episode 43 is uploaded, and be sure to check out our forums.  Also, my minecraft server has been up 24/7.  youruncleslap.dyndns.org

 

Name that movie?

And then theres the other stuff

My life is VERY unbalanced right now.  I can feel it.  There is so much shit piling up in my head, and on my to-do list, and I am having a hard time coping with it all.  I need to make some changes.

Shit with the GF took a bad turn, and now that's on the rocks.. Not that she is doing anything wrong, but she is going through a difficult time, and I simply do not have the extra energy to devote to fixing that situation.  The only time I have for a relationship right now, is one where I don't have to tend to 24/7, and while that may seem extreme, it really isn't.  I just need her to be there to hang out with, go see a movie, have dinner, and just be around to have fun.  I need something cool and easy.  I CANNOT deal with something complicated and full of compromises, because I'm wound up tight like a guitar string right now.

My job... It makes me despise people.  Today I was not in the mood to deal with peoples shit.  People are not all vile, and greedy, and ignorant... but these are the only traits that I see at my job, and part of me thinks that my cynical outlook on life makes me see them this way, but another part of me feels that my job is the cause of this.

My health.  It has been well over 2 months since I have quit smoking.  I have an addictive personality apparently, but quitting smoking wasn't as hard as I thought once I got past month 1.  The downside is that I have gained weight, mainly because I am eating bullshit every day.  I used to be in shape big time.. in the gym twice a day.  Now I'm at Taco Bell twice a day.  I feel like shit inside, and I honestly do NOT like eating fast food at all.. it's disgusting.  But when I spend 10 hours at work every day, what else do I have time for?  I think beginning tomorrow I'm done with sodas, and will be making use of the fruit bowl at work.  If I can quit smoking, I can quit cokes and shitty food, right?

Finances.  Money is the root of all evil, and most certainly the root of all my problems.  I cannot describe how much better I feel when all bills are paid, and I have extra money in my wallet.  Shit is piling up, and I REALLY need a fucking break with my finances.  As I stated before, I get paid to go to college, and the next time I get paid, I need to get my credit cards paid the fuck off so I can sleep a little better at night.

Speaking of college..  I have 4 assignments left, and they are due Sunday at midnight.  Tomorrow evening, I WILL be completing these.  I really need a win this time so that I don't fail my classes.  I have been bullshitting my way through class, and that is definitely not the way to go.  But I have also been bullshitting my way through work, my relationship, finances, diet and pretty much everything else.

My bullshitting is not a trait I am proud of, and I am wondering where it came from.  Is this how I deal with things when I am forced to multi task?  Doesnt it make sense?  When given a high demand, production must be increased to provide those numbers, while quality may suffer in result.  I'm not sure there is any other way, unless I delete all of my video games and focus more on the things that matter..  which will bring my "fun" time to 0.. but can I afford to have fun right now?


I used to be on the path of creativity.  A year ago I was balls deep into photography.. $4000 worth of camera equipment, and the motivation to take pictures of everything.  I was actually gaining a lot of ground winning contests, having my photos featured on the front page of websites, getting PAID to take pictures.. Somewhere along the way, I just replaced one passion for something else.. 

I leave tonight's post with some of my work from the past, which can all be found on my flickr.


http://www.flickr.com/photos/spcallen/

and oh yes... my car.  As I said, thats another blog post to come...